I've been doing yoga for years and still I'm angry
Dear yoga class ponytail guy in the tell-all bike shorts: Stop making eye contact and saying Namaste to me in the bathroom line.
Also thanks for making eye contact.
Ooh, I feel nauseous.
I DON’T APPRECIATE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S A WEB SITE WHERE I CAN FIND OUT HOW TOXIC MY COSMETICS ARE.
How many pigs have died wearing my mascara?
DAMN YOU, SOCIALLY INFORMED PERSON.
Oh the poor piglets.
Everyone in class: SHUP UP about your mandala tattoos.
Just because I’m pain-averse doesn’t mean I’m not cool too.
I HAD A NOSE RING IN 1995.
Oh really new teacher at the studio? You’ve had more “healing training” than anyone you know? WELL ALL THAT HEALING TRAINING HASN’T CURED YOU OF YOUR OBSESSION WITH COMPETITION SO SHUT UP. Also how do I get “self esteem”?
Hey lady OMMING in vibrato on the mat behind me: this is not an audition.This is not your big break.This is not Broadway.Quiet down now.
Also I have trouble expressing my authentic self in song and I’m jealous of your free spirited unfettered ways.
No, STEPHANIE, I don’t think triangle pose is DELICIOUS. I think pizza’s delicious, and ice cream and a tray of chocolate chip cookies.
BUT I DON’T THINK THIS YOGA POSE IS DELICIOUS BECAUSE IT’S NOT FOOD STEPHANIE.
And now I’m thinking of all the delicious food I’m not supposed to eat because it’s not AYURVEDIC whatever THAT is.
P.S. I hate you and your anorexic body no that’s not projection
You know what, TIFFANY? How about you just show me level 1 of this pose because this is a LEVEL ONE CLASS and you gahtdam know I can’t do level 2 and just SHUT UP about level 3. WHY ARE YOU EVEN WASTING MY TIME.
leave me alone I’m fine in supported bridge.
Suda from my Kripalu yoga DVD told me to “Look forward into my life.” WHERE? WHAT? you know what, just tell me where to put my leg, ok?
What was that stupid bullshit that my yoga teacher said today? Something about not resisting the discomfort of painful emotions b/c they show me the part of myself that I need to learn to love? WHAT IS THAT BULLSHIT.